Dealing with Anger as a Father

Today’s topic is about anger and fathers and dads and how as dads should we deal with anger. And Jeremy knows even from a couple of phone conversations recently with him, this is something that I’ve actually been dealing with lately where there was a couple of weeks ago or maybe a month ago, I feel like I lost my temper in a certain way with one of our kids. And man, there’s something about that where you have to take those moments and go all the way down there. I if you’re a dad who constantly, maybe gets angry or constantly flies off the handle, then that might mean something, but I think even even if it’s in more like rare occasions to me it was really like telling of like, “Oh, this is in my heart somewhere.” I need to like … What’s going on there? Rather than like, “Oh, I don’t do this that often, so it’s just an accident, move on.” To me it actually was like a scary, like, “Oh that’s somewhere in there.” And why is that?

So I had to really process and dissect and so what I would say to dads is realize too man, anger is an emotion that in some levels inherent and neutral at some level, right? That Jesus was angry. You can be angry but do not sin. But the minute it starts manifesting out of your body and starts actually kind of coming out onto your kids, then that is sinful and it’s not helpful. And so I’m excited to hear what Jeremy says about that. But the last thing I’ll say too is not just let it reveal what’s in your heart, but really go down in there and ask why, what is making you so angry? And I know for me that was … Being able to answer that question was really, really, really helpful. I’ve kind of heard that like anger especially for men, is kind of just the outer most external version of a bunch of other things internally, right? That it’s almost like kind of the mask of a lot of different things. And realizing that then allows me to really process down deeper. So I don’t know what you would say about that.

Yeah. Anger is … So the basic framework I think about anger, especially in the home is it’s a great signal, but a terrible tool. It always is signifying something. Usually, like Jeff said, it’s signifying something’s going on deep inside of you. But honestly, it could also be signifying something really frustrating happening in the home, right? Like when your teenager does something really crazy, crashes your car or something and you get angry. Look, that’s, it’s not all-

Is that coming from a real story?

Yeah, we haven’t had that problem yet, right? No, no. Okay. But it’s understandable. Anger is going to happen in the home and it’s okay … It’s okay to … But you have to put a label on it. Like Jeff said, it sort of masks a lot of things going on. Masks things that are going on deep inside of you. Other emotions that you need to put names and labels to, or things that you need to have the energy to deal with. Okay?


But it’s not a great tool. It’s not great to channel that energy directly into action just in a raw fashion. The the verse that I think is most helpful to me about this topic in James 1:20, it says that, “Man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God requires.” You cannot get to righteousness and you cannot enforce righteousness onto your children through anger. Anger is not a tool that is really designed for that to take place. And so we know a lot of dads struggle with anger. Go ahead and let it signal or motivate you to get to the bottom of what’s happening. But make sure that when you actually implement something, you’re using a different tool besides the anger, because you’re not going to be able to lead and get your kids and your family to the place that you want to get to through the tool of anger.

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