Young kids store experiences they don’t know how to process in a kind of backpack. Then, when they are older, they start unpacking their backpack of experiences and need help processing each event.
One of my psychology professors taught us about this metaphorical backpack, and I think about it often.
Recently I was relaxing on the porch with my nephew.
He was telling me about a childhood experience that shaped him.
Then I asked, “Do you have any memories of me from when you were young that might have been hard for you?”
He got a glint in his eye and said, “Yeah, there was one time…”
He proceeded to tell me about a time ten years before when he pushed one of my girls roughly during a game and she got hurt, and I confronted him. I rebuked him firmly and it kind of shook him up.
But, he assured me, now I understand why you did that. At the time I just felt upset that I got in trouble.
We sometimes act like kids won’t remember their challenging early childhood experiences.
We think, “they are kids and they are resilient,” but often they just can’t deal with certain events at a young age, but they may need help processing them years later.
It takes time to help our kids sort through their backpacks of experiences.
Be careful what is going into your kid’s backpacks and make sure that, when they get into their pre- and early-teen years, you leave space to process the past.
The conclusions they make about those early experiences can dramatically shape their future.
Jeremy
PS. This reminds me of a convo Jeff and I had about “The Power of a Father’s Voice.”
This entry is a part of Jeremy’s Journal, a newsletter Jeremy sends out every Wednesday morning to encourage you on your parenting journey. You can sign up to get them every Wednesday here.
