We believe it’s critical to embrace the challenge of being a high demand, high support parent.
This posture is the best way to produce character in our kids.
Most of us tend to be high demand, low support. Or high support, low demand. One or the other.
My biggest struggle in this area is my tendency to be a medium demand parent and then, when I’ve had it, suddenly without warning, I temporarily become a crazy high demand parent (not in a good way).
I spent some time apologizing to one of my kids that was hurt by this failure of mine recently. It’s jarring and confusing to them and unhelpful to all of us.
Staying high demand, high support requires a lot of work, tons of communication, great management systems and endless consistency. Few of us are going to strike this just right most of the time.
It’s great to know the target but it’s also discouraging because seeing the target means we know when we’ve failed.
Being willing to own my passivity in one moment and my overreaction in the next is what helps my character transform. Trial and error and more error with the humility to admit failure along with the perseverance to never stop trying is the only way forward.
So let’s not get discouraged by the standard. Jesus was perfect for us so we get to learn through failure not be discouraged or shamed by it. Embrace the process.
May the grace and peace that is ours through Jesus Christ be with you as you try and fail and grow as a parent.
PS Jeff and I discuss the book that details the evidence supporting being a high demand, high support parent here.