How to Navigate a Son not Respecting his Mother

What do you do when your son tries to overthrow your wife? This is actually a very serious problem, especially if you have toddlers and it gets more serious if they’re older, but we’re going to stick with the little kids. So, we got this question on our Facebook group and it was an awesome conversation that happened, but my buddy Blake came in and said a few things I just thought were really interesting because he dealt with this very specifically. So, one of the things that he and his wife, Chandler did two things. So, one thing he does is when he leaves, he puts his hand on his wife, and he says, “Hey, boys tend to be really hierarchical. And possibly what’s going on here is that they’re trying to figure out, ‘Hey, I can tell dads big and strong. He’s got a really deep voice. And I don’t know if I can overthrow him, but I’m looking at this woman and I think I can take her,'” so that’s a problem.

And so, the two things they worked on was just delegating authority and making sure that there is a complete united front between the husband and the wife and just saying, “Look, she is in charge. She is over you, you are under her.” And just making that clear, continuing to reinforce that language, making sure you follow back up when you come home that that authority is fully transferred and that if he doesn’t have as much respect and that this season of his life for your wife as he does for you, that you are the one to fully really working on passing that on and making sure that he’s aware of that.

The other thing is that I guess Blake’s wife, Chandler read an article about how the way dogs work is that they pin each other to sort of come up with a pecking order, and so the alpha dog goes around and sort of pins every other dog. And so, one day when she was having this problem with their son, she decided to pin him. Which I think is awesome. So, she just took him down, and she’s like, “You might not think I got it, but I do.” And so, she pinned him until he stopped wriggling and then let him up. I don’t know, maybe we have more in common with the dog world than we think, but what do you think Jeff?

Yeah, dog world or WWF depending on how you translate it. I love that though. I think, yeah. One thing I think of is that I think it relates to is that me and Alyssa make it a very big deal whenever, and they do it kind of in an innocent way in the beginning, they’re not super trying to manipulate us, but we make a very big deal when we hear the kids ask me something and then I say no or yes, and then go ask Alyssa the same thing because I said no or something right? And then vice versa. They ask Alyssa and then they come ask me. And I think that’s a tangent of that and a related version of that of that’s our opportunity to really hone in that we are, not just a unified team, but at some level, we’re actually like the same organism.

At some level we’re the same thing, according to scripture, we have been united into one flesh. And so, to us, that’s how we really hold that line, which I think then can translate over to the wife in the sense of when she’s speaking, she’s speaking with that authority, not just from the father but from the actual entity of the marriage that’s actually given from God over the children. And so yeah, that’s just one way that we’ve seen is we actually make a big deal out of like if they hear me say no to something, and then I hear them go ask Alyssa, it’s pause, it’s huddle up, you’re not going to do that type of thing, and here’s why. [inaudible 00:03:18] is fruitless. We kind of try to prove to them like that is a fruitless endeavor. You will never be able to split this up because we have the same level of authority, we have the same level of power that God has stewarded or given us to steward over you, is what we tell them. And so, to serve you, and to train you, and to grow you, and to make you more into the image of Jesus and a disciple. So, yeah, that’s just a tangent of that. But I think that’s great.

I think an actual authority as an external source that’s resting on us, I think is huge. Not just like, “Oh, I’m grabbing this and owning this,” but authority is almost an external thing that God has given, so it’s resting on the parents. And we then also have to feel that pressure of this is not our own power grab, but this is an authority that we’ve been given that we actually have to steward, and if we steward it poorly, then it goes poorly, and we’re responsible. And so, I think that’s really huge to us. I don’t know if you’d end with anything else or if that’s what you’d say.

And it’s important that Alyssa pins Kannon, right?

Yes. Exactly.

We’re going to see that. We’re going to live stream that on Family Teams.

Exactly. And power bomb him. We actually did do that. I’m a big old wrestling guy, so we pick him up, we throw him. I’m all about that.

Yeah. Awesome. All right, let’s do that. Let’s make that happen.

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