Is Fatherhood Really Worth It?

We want to talk to you guys about, is fatherhood really worth it? What makes fatherhood worth it? Is it a ton of work? If you were designing and thinking you’re going to live your life in the funnest way possible, with the least amount of responsibility, this would seem like a really bad gig. And so, and a lot of you guys are in the thick of it right now. I’m sure you’re like, “Oh, my gosh. I need somebody to tell me, did I make the worst mistake ever? Could I just have gotten a dog and I’d be traveling the world right now, instead of with a mortgage and a screaming kid at night or something?”

So, I want to talk to you a little bit about why the Bible really talks about, how the Bible talks about fatherhood. Because it’s not the way the culture tends to talk about it. And, the verse, the passage that has always affected me the most in this area is in Psalm 127, it makes a very strong declarative statement that children are a blessing from the Lord. They’re a heritage. It says even, “Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.” And it talks about how great it is to have kids when you’re young. And, it’s really okay to ask the question, That doesn’t make any sense. How can that be? It just makes life a lot more difficult.”

And, so much of whether or not you think fatherhood is a good thing or a blessing ,comes down to what you think the goal of fatherhood is. And, we are taught from the very beginning of ,even thinking about having a family that the way you think about kids and starting a family is, what do you want? Like, how many kids do you want? Do you feel like you’re the kind of person who wants to be a dad? And if that’s your individual desires, then go ahead and have children. If not, then probably good to avoid it.

The Bible just sort of makes this blanket statement that children are a blessing. And I really believe that what it’s describing is that that’s not the goal. The goal isn’t what is going to make you the most happy. The goal is that you be transformed into the kind of person that can rule in a kingdom with your Heavenly Father. And if you’re asking the question, “What is the tool that’s going to most reliably turn me into the kind of person that is capable of ruling in the City of God?” there is absolutely no better path than to have children and bear the responsibility of being a dad. And that’s why they’re always a blessing.

When you have… Because if you think about it, we’re not much of a blessing to our kids. I mean it’s ridiculous at one level to think about whose idea was it to hand children who are unbelievably vulnerable, into the hands of guys like us? Like=.

And you don’t get good at it until they leave.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It’s like you didn’t get trained in this.


It’s all on the job. It’s all on the kid training. And that’s rough. And so, we’re not, it’s not… The Bible never says that we’re a blessing to children, although fathers always can be a blessing to their children. But children are always a blessing to the father, because they’re always there, transforming the dad into the kind of person that’s designed for the Kingdom that we’re all destined for with our Heavenly Father.

So, from that perspective, from the perspective of growth and transformation, bearing responsibility, becoming the kind of man that God wants you to be, there is just no better curriculum in the world than having a kid. That’s, I think, what makes fatherhood worth it 100% of the time. No matter what you’re going through right now, no matter how hard it is, it is working in you and through you to turn you into something and someone, that your Father wants you to become.

Totally. And I’ll just add one small thing, I think. Yeah, that is so true. And once you live in that it’s so life-giving and meaningful and rich and deep. But, and then what you start to realize, and then the one thing that I think has been really helpful for me is, and of course this is only true I think if you’re a father, not like if you’re a single person, that you’re like a JV Christian or something like that. But, if you are married, and you are a father, and you have kids, I think a lot of times the lie can be go find your meaning in work. Go find your meaning in a hobby. Go find your meeting somewhere else, whatever. And I just think once you realize that fatherhood is worth it for the reasons you just said, then you realize that everything else is just a shadow, and this is like family.

This identity that God has given you out of all the other identities and roles and hats, this one is the reality. This one is the substance. You are meant to be a father. You’re supposed to learn and live in fatherhood with your own kids and your marriage and your family. And then, then you’re supposed to be a father at your work. Then you’re supposed to be a father in a hobby, or then supposed to be a father in your city and in your neighborhood, whatever.

And so I just think this is the epicenter, like concentric circles. Being a father to your own kids is the bullseye of this is what you’re looking for everywhere else. The meaning you’re looking for at work is here. The purpose you’re looking for at work is here, but in a better way. The everything you’re looking for, is here in a better way. Now, not to pit the two against each other, but it’s concentric circles. So it’s like this is the center. Then it goes out, and you can be meaningful more in your work. But when you do pit them against each other, either in a secular way of you work and you’re never at home and not being a good dad, then yeah, that’s when I think then you miss that. But even sometimes the hyper religious circles can do the opposite, where they are all about no work and just being a dad. But it’s like, no, no, you need to learn here to go bless the city.

But I think again, you do have to realize that, yeah, there’s nothing more… Now that I am a father, there’s nothing more meaningful and deep and beautiful, that gives me that more just vitality and depth, than being a father, and I can carry those into then all the other domains after that.

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