Jeremy:
And we want to talk to you guys about five ways to love on your young daughter. So there’s almost nothing cooler than being a dad of a little girl, and it’s definitely worth it to think intentionally about how to love her. And a lot of times for guys especially, I know a lot of my friends who maybe didn’t have sisters, there’s a little bit of uncomfortability about like, how do I do this? And so I just want to give you guys five quick ideas for how to think about this.

The first one is make a list of stuff the two of you like to do together. And so these lists, I have a little Google doc with all of my kids and all the things that we tend to like to do together. One of my daughters is really into art galleries. Another daughter’s really into going to parks, things like that. I try to really pay attention to what they like and then I try to figure out, especially if there’s stuff that I like that they like, I’m like, whoa, that’s golden.

And then we have a Shabbat Day that we take one day of rest and during that day often times when I take one of my kids out, me and my oldest daughter, Kelsey, we’re foodies, and so we’ve been like checking out some of the nice little restaurants for lunch on Saturday around town. But that’s one thing that has been a fun way to really engage with my girls. That’s fun for me and fun for them.

Jeff:
Yeah. And I’ll riff on that one, but add a little thing in the sense of, with our, our daughter, I would say let them be outside of the box of what you think they should be. And so I know for me, Kinsley, our oldest and our daughter, she is the most, when you think of tomboy, at least currently at age four, she is what you think of, and just wants to tackle and throw a baseball and do all these things. And for me, there’s a net level at which I actually love that. Right? That’s not difficult for me to align with, but again, she’s also so tender, so gentle, so beautiful. And so already I can see just this budding-ness of femininity in her.

But I think sometimes dads, or even people, can get stuck in the 1950s version of femininity, not the biblical model of femininity. And so, I just think that’s one for me is, you have to kind of hunt and let them, not let them lead, but you need to be observant and take notes, I think, of your daughter and what they enjoy, what they like, but then also kind of their wiring and then try to go that direction rather than always get them to make you kind of always making them come your direction, if that makes sense.

Jeremy:
Totally. We had a friend who was just kind of talking about how challenging her relationship was with her dad and the statement she made that just broke my heart was, my dad really didn’t know me. And I think that’s what you’re talking about Jeff is like, you don’t ever want your daughter to grow up and feel like, oh, I had to sort of act to be around my dad.

Jeff:
Totally.

Jeremy:
So that’s a good number two. Number three, I would say is ask deep questions. So you know, try to think about, some questions you can always ask. I love asking about relationships. How’s relation with your mom, with your brother, with your sisters? How’s your relationship with God? Was there anything that kind of scared you this week? Was there anything that you really liked this week? Do you have highs and lows? And then when you want to get even deeper or more creative, I always buy this little box of questions that you can buy on Amazon called The Ungame.

They have The Ungame for kids. And sometimes when I take one of my daughters for a walk, I’ll take like five of those cards and we’ll just go for a walk, and I remember recently I asked my daughter Kira, who’s nine, that one of the questions popped up and said, tell me about one of your dreams you’ve had at night. And she just told me about, oh my gosh, her eyes got really big and she just opened up about this really elaborate dream that she’d been stewing on for days. And it was just really awesome to get to share that with her-

Jeff:
That’s awesome.

Jeremy:
But it was triggered by this random question. So, having at hand some really deep, interesting, good questions to ask your girls to make sure that you know them like we were talking about earlier, is a really helpful tool as well.

Jeff:
That’s awesome. One thing I’ll add, too, from the fourth one is I like to say it, have your thing with just that kid. And what I mean by that is, kind of what you said with even Kelsey with the foodiness of, have the one thing that you don’t do with any other kid that you do with them, that maybe they pick it or not. Maybe you always do this fun little wrestle thing before you put them down or you have a special handshake or you go get bubble tea with them, but you don’t with the other, and on like a weekly basis, whatever. Because I think there’s actually a level of longevity to tradition, small traditions, micro-traditions with your kids that that is actually what they take with them, and that is actually what they remember.

Maybe they’ll remember the big blowout Disney trip, but if you do something every single week for 18 years with just them, that’s the thing where, man that starts being, it’s almost like compound interest, right, with memory, where they start the sense and the locations and the things that, anything that can remind them of that thing for 18 years that’ll be like, man, you really want that to come back once you kind of send them out into the world as disciple makers. And so, I would say, have your thing with that kid that you don’t do with any other kid.

Jeremy:
That’s awesome. Yeah. Every time she walks past that bubble tea store when she’s her 40s, she’s like, oh, with my dad.

Jeff:
Exactly. It’s like, oh, I used to do that.

Jeremy:
That’s right. That’s awesome. And then number five, I would say, just invest in her beauty or her coolness or whatever she’s into. One of the things that I’ve tried to pay attention to is, is there something fun you can buy? I remember my daughter, Elisa, we were at a resort and she saw this necklace that she just was, I could tell she just, her heart just fell in love with it and I really wanted to be the one to buy that for her. And she’s been wearing it ever since.

Jeff:
That’s awesome.

Jeremy:
It’s like been like six months and she wears it almost every day. And every time I see it I’m like, I’m so glad I bought that for her.

Jeff:
That’s awesome.

Jeremy:
So there’s things like that, that I just try to think of, are there fun little elements to their look or the stuff that they’re into that I can share with them and I can give as a gift to them? So I would say, kind of give yourself a little bit of more freedom. Don’t try to be fair in this area. Try to be fun and extravagant at times with investing in your daughter’s beauty.