Jeff:
Today’s topic is when to send your wife on a mom-cation, which is basically what every mom and wife needs. But a lot of us aren’t actually creating space for that or time for that or energy for that, for them to be able to do that. Now, in our family, and I want to hear what Jeremy thinks as well on this, but in our family, this is huge. I would actually call this the thing that keeps our family together. Because our philosophy is if Alyssa is healthy and flourishing and feeling like she’s not burning out, then that bleeds over and trickles over to the rest of the family. Me, the kids, et cetera. There’s a level at which the mom and the wife is a nucleus of the family, the center of the family, and just the pulse of the family.

And so that has to be guarded, that has to be honored. But I know for us, this was true just a couple days ago. Just a couple of days ago, Alyssa came to me and said, “Hey, I’m struggling. It’s kind of difficult. I just need a break.” And anytime, that’s code red of, “Oh, I probably should have given her one last week,” if that, “I need a break,” comes out of her mouth. Right? That exact phrase. But immediately, I said, “Okay, tomorrow.” Boom, I just clear it. I had a lot of work to do, too. And so tomorrow was not a good day. But tomorrow, it had to happen. So I just cleared everything, I rearranged everything. And for me, those were the times where if I really need it and I got to get stuff done, then that’s when I’m going to use screens or movies, because those are tools for me to then be able to navigate this.

So just use things to your advantage so that you can make this sustainable. And so we sent her off. So she left for 10 hours. She left right before breakfast and got home at dinner. So she basically only had to do, and then I still took care of the rest of that night of dinner and putting the kids down and stuff like that. She just came home because she wanted to see the kids. Yeah. This is hugely important, but you talked more about it, Jeremy. What do you think?

Jeremy:
Yeah. The thing that I noticed stands in the way of a lot of dads initiating this is when they have the attitude, “I do my job, you do your job.”

Jeff:
Yeah.

Jeremy:
And Jeff and I have told you guys, that is not a good strategy for how to build a family team is the divide and conquer, because what is often hidden is there are so many pressures on a mother in the cultural season in which we live in. If you want to build a family team, you cannot let her burn out and you have to take it personally. You have to personally take responsibility for keeping your wife from burning out. And so the way that you have to do that is constantly be monitoring, like Jeff is describing, monitoring how she’s doing. If you’re watching, the way that you can tell someone’s going towards burnout is that they start the next week with less energy than they started the last week.

You can do a bar graph and chart what’s about to happen. You maybe not know when she’s going to dip below that line and suddenly burnout, but that’s what you’re trying to avoid. And the scriptures really talk about this in very practical ways. It says, “Live with your wife in an understanding way in 1 Peter. Ephesians 5, “Love your wife like you love your own body.” And if you knew you were burning out, what would you do? And so this is why I think men have to take this personally and send their wife on a mom-cation. Before she burns out, make sure that… Because there are just seasons, you guys, when you’re building families, when kids are young, when there’s sleep deprivation and having this attitude that, “Hey, I’m doing my job, providing for the family, you do your job and do everything.”

God knows all the things that you’re absorbing, but that’s your responsibility. There needs to be an overlap and you need to dip into her area and figure out how she’s doing, is this sustainable, when is burnout going to happen, is it inevitable, and step in before it happens. And so this is probably the tool we use the most during the hardest seasons is that I would just tell April, “Got you a hotel, go with friends,” whatever is going to rejuvenate your wife. Your wife may like to be with friends, maybe would like to be with you. And then you need to get grandparents or childcare involved, and the two of you go away. That’s the way April and I did a lot of these. But make sure that you’re monitoring this thing and that you’re stepping in and being very intentional to head off burnout before it happens.